Thoughts (661 Words)
Sam is standing looking in mirror. He is flattening his hair and grooming his face to immaculacy.
Sam[vo of thoughts]: Mmmmm… looking good. Looking very good. Okay… time to practice my speech.
Sam: [clears throat and looks into mirror] Good Evening, shareholders and associates. [pause]
Sam: [deeper and more pronounced] Good Evening, shareholders and associates. [sighs]
Sam[vo of thoughts]: [groans] This is going to be a train wreck…
Sam turns and walks out of the bathroom, making his way to his car. He gets it. [SFX: Car Starting/Motor Running] Mime driving briefly. Sam arrives at his destination. He gets out and hands his keys to the Valet.
Sam: There you go mate.
Sam[vo of thoughts]: Just keep your bloody hands out of the coin tray, you pimply midget.
Valet: Thankyou sir, have a marvellous night.
Sam walks through the entrance into a conference room. [SFX: People talking “dull roar”] Colleague approaches.
Colleague: Hey Sam, how are ya?
Sam: I’m fine thanks.
Sam[vo of thoughts][grumbling]: I’m bloody terrible you ignorant cream-puff…
Colleague: Hey, Sam I’ve got some people for you to meet.
Sam: Oh, fantastic!
Sam[vo of thoughts]: Shit…
Colleague leads Sam to two people, one of them a woman.
Colleague: Sam, this is Chip Buckington. He’s just flown in Dallas.
Chip[broad Texan accent]: Well high there, Sam. I’m curious to see how you goddamn crazy Aussies do business down here.
Sam: [laughs somewhat unconvincingly while shaking hand]
Sam[vo of thoughts]: [continuing laughing] Ah… what a wanker…
Colleague: And this is his lovely wife, Pam.
Sam: Pleased to meet you. [shakes hands]
Sam[vo of thoughts]: Well, hello there sugar dumplin’… [purring sound]
Colleague: Okay, Sam you’re due to do your speech anytime now.
Sam[squeaked in nervousness]: Really?
Colleague: Not feeling nervous are you Sam? [laughs]
Sam: [laughs] Nah! I’m looking forward to it. All those people… looking… staring…
[Sam turns around and grips a nearby table, his knees buckling]
Sam[vo of thoughts][rambling]: Oh God. Oh God! Help me the people are going to be looking and… and [almost incomprehensible] I’ll trip over or forget how to speak English or my hair will burst into flames and I don’t wanna… [incomprehensible blubbering]… and I just want to be buttercup!
Colleague: You okay there Sam?
Sam: [turns back around] Yeah, I’m fine. Just… um… doing my pre-speech warm-up.
Colleague: Oh… okay then. Well, it’s about time you made your way onstage. The Chairman is going to make his opening speech, then it’s your turn.
[Colleague leads Sam up onto the stage. Sam sits down. The Chairman stands and addresses the crowd.]
Chairman: Good Evening. This financial year has been hugely prosperous for the Company, with record figures in all departments. At this point, I wish to reflect on some issues that we have… [voice fades out, continuing to mouth words. Meanwhile]
Sam[vo of thoughts]: The toe bone’s connected to the, foot bone. The foot bone’s connected to the leg bone. The leg… wait is it the ankle bone first?… yeh I think it’s the anklebone. [sigh] I’m bored, I’m bored, I’m bored.
Chairman: [fading back in]…and so without further ado I invite our top financial analyst, Samuel Jones to inform of us of the Company’s progress.
Sam[vo of thoughts]: I’m screwed.
[Sam gets up and moves to the lectern.]
Sam: [stumbling] Ah, um… good morning- I mean evening, shareholder and associates. I really love the Company… but, [over exaggerated] not in a strange way. [pauses for laughing] [silence]
Sam[vo of thoughts]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!
Sam: Yes, well… um. Now I’ll outlay our budget for the coming year. It is of great importance that we are able to properly utilize this company’s 23 million dollar worth.
Chairman: Ah… Samuel, its 23 billion.
Sam: [pause] Really? [feints]
[Chairman and Colleague jump up and attempt to wake Sam]
Colleague: Come on, we’ll take him outside for some fresh air.
[Colleague and Chairman start carrying Sam outside]
Sam[vo of thoughts]: [just as he is leaving stage] He he he… suckers…
ALL WORKS ON THIS BLOG ARE COPYRIGHT DANIEL GOODMAN 2008.
Please simply seek the Author’s permission before reproducing it anyway.
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